Army Ranger Mike Waller has seen his fair share of tense and life-threatening situations. A combat vet and active-duty serviceman currently stationed stateside, Command Sergeant Major Waller recounts a harrowing wildlife encounter in the jungles of Panama that ended with a twist none of these experienced soldiers were prepared for.
It was the mid 90s and Waller’s Ranger squad was on a training exercise deep in the jungles of Panama. They had set up camp in the inky darkness following a 6 hour flight and nighttime parachute jump into the wild. After setting up a perimeter, the security patrol began to hear strange noises from the jungle, sounds that were frightening and unfamiliar. Then…their unseen enemy struck!
“No s***, I thought I was gonna die. Out of nowhere… we started getting pummeled by vegetation, rocks, and organic matter from all directions. While we were trying to be as stealthy as possible, our position had obviously been compromised. Not by enemy force… but by a family of indigenous monkeys. We had no live ammunition to fight this foe and most of us ended up running off into the jungle to keep away from our attackers.”
Waller took off into the brush, attempting to conceal himself in the thick vegetation around the encampment. Finding his way back to camp was no easy task.
“Although I only went into the bush a couple of hundred yards, finding my way back to our position was not as easy as you might think. After a few yards, everything in the jungle looks the same, and there are no reference points to use to find your way back, except for the voices of your teammates.”
It was upon his return to camp that the monkeys’ true mission was revealed.
“As I finally made my way back to our position, there were Rangers just standing around looking at the mess that was left behind by the monkeys. They must have done this before: ambush a hapless squad of soldiers and raid their rucksacks for any morsel of food. The MREs [“Meals Ready to Eat”] were all torn into, the candy bars and beef jerky that we all bring to sustain ourselves and snack on… all gone. We had definitely lost this battle. Monkeys One- Rangers Zero.”
*Special thanks to CMS Waller for this true tale of monkey mischief.
Images via Tambako the Jaguar, CarolineG2011
